Autism: A Mother's Perspective
By: Mary B. Hammock, MSN, CPNP
Since I was a very young girl, I looked forward to being a mommy. As all moms, I dreamed my children would be beautiful, intelligent, healthy, confident, generous and kind hearted. I would have powerful athletes or graceful ballerinas, perhaps with artistic creativity or musical prowess. Life would simply be perfect and easy.
Well, many years later, reality has set in. I am now the busy mother of four children under eight years of age and loving every minute of it. But, as we all know, being a parent is challenging. Major accomplishments now include having the children sleep through the night, eat broccoli without tactical negotiations; use the potty without assistance, prodding or a mess; and not incorporate the bad behaviors picked up outside the home, all without losing patience or displaying fatigue.
It was when my second child turned two years old that I realized we hit a bump in our truly less than perfect road. Jacob needed an evaluation for a severe language delay and concerns about some features of his behavior that could lead one to a diagnosis of autism. He had no self-stimulating behaviors. He smiled all the time and his daycare teachers described him as loving. How could he be autistic? Surely, it could not be.
Many tears of heartbreak followed in the weeks and months after Jacob’s checkup. I moved forward with Jacob’s evaluation for speech and requested an evaluation of his fine motor skills, as well. I had started noticing little things, such as his poor accuracy when trying to feed himself with a spoon and his desire to “crash” off the furniture. He did qualify for therapy services for one hour a week but no one would diagnose autism because of his young age.
As Jacob got older, his language was very slow to improve but he was better about understanding and following simple directions. He started a high-pitched, glass-piercing scream – sometimes out of frustration, sometimes out of anger, sometimes just because. This as I later realized, was his self-stimulating behavior. Shushing, ignoring and time-out didn’t diffuse the behavior. Nothing worked. Jacob has only dined out occasionally at kid-friendly restaurants and even that brings stares and unkind comments about my poor parenting skills. One person went so far as to inform me that “he just needs a good old-fashioned spanking.”
Jacob had an episode of biting at the church nursery at 2 ½ years old, and another four months later. I have two other children that were routinely the victims of biting. I more than understand that it is a developmentally normal behavior, although not a pleasant one, and biting happens among most children from 1-3 years of age. I received a message on my answering machine one day asking me not to bring Jacob back unless there would be supervision with him. What an absolutely humiliating experience!
After Jacob’s third birthday, he was enrolled in Special Needs Preschool. He attended five days a week and received therapy four times a week. He really seemed to enjoy his class and over time, he developed more meaningful language and accomplished necessary skills. I have developed a profound respect and appreciation for those who work with special needs children. Although it must be very challenging, there are incredible rewards in watching a child master a skill that has long been a struggle.
Now, as Jacob is almost six years old and can communicate with me, and the rest of the world, my worries for him have become fewer. My hope is that he will be one of the 40% of autistic children that are cured with aggressive therapy. I have learned a great deal from my precious Jacob. I have learned appreciation, patience and acceptance. But most of all, I hope others can learn from Jacob, too.
Healthy Steps Pediatrics is helping to GROW healthy children one step at a time. If you have questions or concerns please call 678-384-3480.